I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
