i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
