So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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