If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
