And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i think my cat just said my name.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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