I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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