we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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