roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
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