My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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