I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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