I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Randomize
