And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
