I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
