my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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