I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
