Having a random hookup so left but love u
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
