I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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