my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
