So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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