I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I am one with the molecules
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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