You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
