I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Randomize
