Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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