I want to have your abortion
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
