Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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