if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
