Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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