i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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