On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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