I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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