I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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