I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
