If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize