it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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