your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
