not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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