He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
