he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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