I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
