you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
