can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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