sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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