Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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