recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
