Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
