I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
