Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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