Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
