Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
