i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
