Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
