I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize