What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
