i jhust puked up my retainher.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
