I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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