I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
