I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just invented taco cereal.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
