a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
