I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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