i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
